Friday, December 24, 2010
Christmas Eve
There is no good time of the year to be mourning a lost baby. I'm hoping to get through Christmas and the last week of 2010 without much extra emotions over what could have been. Last night, as we were getting ready for bed, Dan said it best: "I can't wait for this year to be over."
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Tough Days
I was getting ready to go with Dan and Owen to Toddler Gym time this morning, when it hit me that four weeks ago, Elliott was still alive and we were about to hear his heartbeat for the last time -- a sound that, somehow, I had been taking for granted. How is that even possible, that the proof that your baby is alive can be "routine?" I should have taken more time to be grateful that he was alive every time we heard his racing heart.
The grief cycle is a horrible rollercoaster ride, one that has so many ups and downs and twists and turns. I've been hovering in the denial/anger part for a few days in a row now, and today, I'm back to sadness/yearning. I'm back to the "what ifs" and wondering how I didn't know something was wrong, and how I didn't know to do something to change the outcome. I'm in disbelief that this is really happening to us and that we don't have both of our boys with us right now.
There are so many times when I think about Elliott's death and it doesn't seem real. It seems like a horrible dream, one that I hope I wake up from every day. But there are so many reminders of how real he was -- the stretchmarks on my stomach, my different c-section scar, the little box of his ashes in the nursery, the charm necklace I wear every day in his memory, the ache of love in my heart for the son I only knew inside of me. And now that it's been 23 days since he was delivered, the dinners have stopped coming, the phone has stopped ringing, and visitors don't come by to check in anymore. Life is going on, and it seems almost like too much to have to keep up with. Like I said, most days are just normal days -- Owen needs to eat, play, sleep, have his diaper changed... But there are days like today, where I wish I could hide under the covers of my bed and stay there until the hurt is gone and we have a new baby to help heal the huge hole in my heart and soul. I can't ever replace Elliott, nor would I want to, but I so want to feel better again. I want to laugh and not feel guilty for it. I want to be hopeful not cynical and scared. I want to hear our babies cry and nurse them for health and comfort. I want to be so sleep deprived that I ask Dan if it's possible to die from it (true story). I want to be a mom to more babies.
For now, I just have to feel these emotions, be the elephant in the room, and learn to live through the tragedy of Elliott's death. I so wish I could change the end of the story, but I have to figure out how to accept that I can't. I miss him so much.
The grief cycle is a horrible rollercoaster ride, one that has so many ups and downs and twists and turns. I've been hovering in the denial/anger part for a few days in a row now, and today, I'm back to sadness/yearning. I'm back to the "what ifs" and wondering how I didn't know something was wrong, and how I didn't know to do something to change the outcome. I'm in disbelief that this is really happening to us and that we don't have both of our boys with us right now.
There are so many times when I think about Elliott's death and it doesn't seem real. It seems like a horrible dream, one that I hope I wake up from every day. But there are so many reminders of how real he was -- the stretchmarks on my stomach, my different c-section scar, the little box of his ashes in the nursery, the charm necklace I wear every day in his memory, the ache of love in my heart for the son I only knew inside of me. And now that it's been 23 days since he was delivered, the dinners have stopped coming, the phone has stopped ringing, and visitors don't come by to check in anymore. Life is going on, and it seems almost like too much to have to keep up with. Like I said, most days are just normal days -- Owen needs to eat, play, sleep, have his diaper changed... But there are days like today, where I wish I could hide under the covers of my bed and stay there until the hurt is gone and we have a new baby to help heal the huge hole in my heart and soul. I can't ever replace Elliott, nor would I want to, but I so want to feel better again. I want to laugh and not feel guilty for it. I want to be hopeful not cynical and scared. I want to hear our babies cry and nurse them for health and comfort. I want to be so sleep deprived that I ask Dan if it's possible to die from it (true story). I want to be a mom to more babies.
For now, I just have to feel these emotions, be the elephant in the room, and learn to live through the tragedy of Elliott's death. I so wish I could change the end of the story, but I have to figure out how to accept that I can't. I miss him so much.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Santa Visit - 2010
We took a trip to visit Santa this morning. Owen was excited until all of the kids in front of us were freaking out and crying on his lap. We wanted a family photo anyway... ;)
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Somehow, Life Continues
Amazingly and somewhat cruelly, life has gone on these past 2+ weeks since we lost our son Elliott. At times, I'm thankful for that, and other times, I wish we could hit pause long enough to catch up, and then keep things going. I have had all kinds of anxiety over today coming -- last Friday was Elliott's official "due date" and I was anxiously trying to anticipate what kind of feelings I would have that day versus the other painful days we had been living through until then. Friday was also my Dad's 63rd birthday, and I'm hopeful that it will only be associated with that celebration in the years to come, and not the day my baby was supposed to be here. What babies are born on their due dates anyway? And Elliott was delivered in November, so why would a day in December be especially hard? I can only wait it out and see.
There were tears of sadness and anger -- sadness from losing our son, the same ache and devastation as we've been feeling since the doctor confirmed Elliott's heart was no longer beating, and anger at this happening to us -- good people, good parents -- that had already made plans for Owen's and Elliott's future as best friends and partners in mischief. I mourn the loss of Owen's brother almost as much as the loss of my son. Sure, we can probably have more kids in the future, but no one will replace Elliott, and certainly not in this stage of our lives. Owen may have a brother, or a sister, or a couple of each or both...I don't pretend to know what our family may look like in the future, especially after our "plans" were clearly not up to us with Elliott.
But I didn't come on to write about my pain and anger. I wanted to take advantage of life going on, to talk about Owen and how he has grown and changed in the past month. When we left him in his highchair eating dinner and watching TV on that terrible Saturday, neither of us realized we were about to leave him for three nights. The longest we have ever left him before that was around 2 hours to go see a movie, and he was finishing a nap for half of that. That day, we took off, without being able to call him (he doesn't quite understand the back and forth of the phone yet) and without seeing him at all. He was in great hands and it sounds like he had a blast, but I was so worried every nap time and bed time. He puts up a fight for us when we lay down with him, even with bear hugs and kisses and the right number of stuffed toys surrounding him. How was anyone going to be able to put him down? But he slept and ate and played and enjoyed the extra attention. And he was so excited when we came home. He gave us a tour of the upstairs -- "Closet! Music! Fan! Window!"
He has also picked up some new phrases that I love:
- "Where's hammer? Where'd it go? Somewhere I find it. There is he! 'S'right there! I get..." This same series of thoughts happens for any lost object -- his water, a garbage truck, our cat, a sound.
- "Watch this!"
- "I nape's Owen!" (My name's Owen)
- "Thank you...Welcome" (after sharing his food with us)
- "What's that sound? That sound's airplane!" (or cat, or Mommy, or...)
- "'K'out window!" ("Look out window" when anyone leaves our house)
- "Do again!" (which is hard in real life without TV)
- "Get back here!" and "Come back here!" when he's chasing our cat or a friend
- Some Christmas words - "Kiss-mas," "Santa Caus," "Snow"
Owen's attention span is also getting longer, and he can sit and play with his trains or trucks or read books for a good amount of time. He's also getting bored more easily lately, which is hard for us to keep up with, especially in the winter weather. It's cold and wet, and dark so early, that it's hard to come up with things to do where he can run off some energy and be mentally stimulated too. That's our challenge for this winter -- keeping Owen entertained and happy, no matter how tired, sad, mad, etc we are. It'll help us all. (12/14/10)
There were tears of sadness and anger -- sadness from losing our son, the same ache and devastation as we've been feeling since the doctor confirmed Elliott's heart was no longer beating, and anger at this happening to us -- good people, good parents -- that had already made plans for Owen's and Elliott's future as best friends and partners in mischief. I mourn the loss of Owen's brother almost as much as the loss of my son. Sure, we can probably have more kids in the future, but no one will replace Elliott, and certainly not in this stage of our lives. Owen may have a brother, or a sister, or a couple of each or both...I don't pretend to know what our family may look like in the future, especially after our "plans" were clearly not up to us with Elliott.
But I didn't come on to write about my pain and anger. I wanted to take advantage of life going on, to talk about Owen and how he has grown and changed in the past month. When we left him in his highchair eating dinner and watching TV on that terrible Saturday, neither of us realized we were about to leave him for three nights. The longest we have ever left him before that was around 2 hours to go see a movie, and he was finishing a nap for half of that. That day, we took off, without being able to call him (he doesn't quite understand the back and forth of the phone yet) and without seeing him at all. He was in great hands and it sounds like he had a blast, but I was so worried every nap time and bed time. He puts up a fight for us when we lay down with him, even with bear hugs and kisses and the right number of stuffed toys surrounding him. How was anyone going to be able to put him down? But he slept and ate and played and enjoyed the extra attention. And he was so excited when we came home. He gave us a tour of the upstairs -- "Closet! Music! Fan! Window!"
He has also picked up some new phrases that I love:
- "Where's hammer? Where'd it go? Somewhere I find it. There is he! 'S'right there! I get..." This same series of thoughts happens for any lost object -- his water, a garbage truck, our cat, a sound.
- "Watch this!"
- "I nape's Owen!" (My name's Owen)
- "Thank you...Welcome" (after sharing his food with us)
- "What's that sound? That sound's airplane!" (or cat, or Mommy, or...)
- "'K'out window!" ("Look out window" when anyone leaves our house)
- "Do again!" (which is hard in real life without TV)
- "Get back here!" and "Come back here!" when he's chasing our cat or a friend
- Some Christmas words - "Kiss-mas," "Santa Caus," "Snow"
Owen's attention span is also getting longer, and he can sit and play with his trains or trucks or read books for a good amount of time. He's also getting bored more easily lately, which is hard for us to keep up with, especially in the winter weather. It's cold and wet, and dark so early, that it's hard to come up with things to do where he can run off some energy and be mentally stimulated too. That's our challenge for this winter -- keeping Owen entertained and happy, no matter how tired, sad, mad, etc we are. It'll help us all. (12/14/10)
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Our Angel, Elliott
Sometime between our appointment on November 23rd and our trip to the childbirth center on November 27th, our youngest son, Elliott, passed away. Our lives have been changed forever, and the loss we feel is unimaginable. Our amazing little guy was alive and strong on Tuesday, and something happened that we'll never understand.
I began having frequent, strong contractions on Monday night, November 22nd. They weren't strong enough to think I was in labor yet, and at our appointment the next morning, I was checked for progress and hadn't made much -- I was just starting to dilate, but it was clearly not "real" labor. I continued to have contractions every 3-4 minutes from Tuesday night on. I was exhausted, not sleeping well, and in general discomfort. On Friday afternoon, I realized that I didn't know if I was feeling Elliott moving at all. I had been so focused on the contractions that I couldn't tell if he was reacting or sleeping...but I mentioned it to Dan. We tried to find his heartbeat with our doppler, without success. But we didn't find my heartbeat either, so we figured it was just something wrong with the doppler. Saturday afternoon, we decided to try again to find the heartbeat. When we still couldn't, but we found Dan's when we checked, we thought it was worth a call to the on-call doctor to have things checked out. Honestly, I didn't think we had anything to worry about. I figured we'd go in, they'd monitor us for an hour or so, and send us home for being "those parents." God, I wish we were "those parents."
We got to the Childbirth Center at 5:00 PM on Saturday evening. The nurses that got us in our room were kind and joking, trying to ease our minds. When they hooked me up to monitors to find Elliott's heart rate, they couldn't. So rather than grab a doppler, they brought in an ultrasound machine, to get to the point and find his beating heart. But they couldn't. They told us not to worry -- they weren't experts. The doctor would be there soon. But she couldn't find Elliott's heart beat either. A final "official" ultrasound was performed by an ultrasound technician that confirmed we had lost our son. I was sobbing, asking them to not give up, to please please please keep trying. It wasn't possible that he was perfect on Tuesday and gone now. It couldn't be true.
But then we had to decide how to deliver him. I had my heart set on a vaginal birth -- the one that I wanted with Owen, and the one that I was determined to have with Elliott. I wanted to try still, since the recovery would be faster and the hospital stay would be shorter, so we began the steps for an induction of labor. At 7:00 PM, a Cook's catheter was placed through the small opening in my cervix and inflated on either side. The purpose is to use the "balloons" to soften and thin the cervix, so that labor can be helped by Pitocin to create contractions and finish the dilation process. It was uncomfortable at first, but it also was creating very strong, close contractions for me right from the beginning. They were on top of each other, with only 30 seconds to a minute off between them, and they were off the charts in strength. We were told that this stage of labor would probably take 10-12 hours, but the nurse was thinking we wouldn't last until midnight with these contractions. I didn't want to get an epidural, but I was in pain. I asked for a narcotic drip to help, which did help for a while, but it also slowed my contractions and made me sick. By 5:00 AM, I was throwing up, and the catheter hadn't fallen out yet. The nurses removed it at 7:00 AM, and I asked for an epidural before we started the Pitocin stage.
It took three times before the anesthesiologist was able to get the epidural in, but when he did, he did a great job. I never lost feeling in my legs or feet, but I didn't feel the contractions at all. He was also great at managing my nausea, which was such a nice relief. At around noon, the nurse on duty checked my progress, to see how the catheter and Pitocin were working. And, much like with my labor with Owen, nothing was happening. I was only a little more than 2 cm dilated, and Elliott was nowhere near my pelvic opening. They offered to break my water and keep trying -- no one was pressuring me to have a c-section or to give up. But I knew by then what we had to do. I didn't want to spend another whole day waiting to meet Elliott, delaying the inevitable. At 1:00 PM, we made the decision to have a c-section, and the on-call doctor called our doctor in. The two of them did the surgery together.
At 2:28 PM on Sunday, November 28th, Elliott was born sleeping. It was eerily quiet in the operating room, and until that moment, I was still trying to convince myself that there was a chance that everyone was wrong and that he'd wake up and start crying. As time went on in the surgery and they were working on closing me up, we had to face the truth -- our amazing little boy didn't make it. Once Elliott was cleaned up and wrapped in blankets, Dan was able to hold him. He was so beautiful!! He weighed an amazing 11 pounds, 10 ounces, was 20.5 inches tall, and had a gorgeous big 15-inch head. His hair was almost black, and he looked so different from Owen. I was convinced we'd have another little redhead, but Elliott was his own little person. He had my crooked little toes, and the chubbiest legs. He really was so perfect and I will never understand why he didn't get his chance at life.
By 3:30, we were back in our room with Elliott. We had the afternoon, evening and night to spend with him. We held him and talked to him and did what we could to memorize his face. A photographer from a volunteer group called "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" came and took pictures of our son. Family came by to meet him. I couldn't stand the thought of sending him away, knowing that we had such limited time with him. In the morning, though, we had to begin the preparations for letting him go. We had to choose a funeral home for after his autopsy, and we had to say goodbye to his physical body. It was horrible -- something that no one should ever have to do.
On Tuesday morning, we were discharged and had to leave the hospital without our baby. Thank god we had Owen to come home to -- he got us through so much when we were in the hospital, and he continues to help us heal now. He doesn't know what has happened, and he has moments where he seems terrified we're going to disappear again, but he's so sweet and funny and has such a love for life, that we can only be thankful for what we have. We aren't burdening him with our recovery, and we won't try to explain this to him until he's old enough to really understand, but he is helping us more than he can ever know. And when he gets the chance to meet a little brother or sister in the future, he'll be just as amazing of a big brother as he was to Elliott already. We are so sad that he doesn't get to a chance to know Elliott, but we are thankful that he's too young to feel our pain with us.
So for now, we just take our lives day-by-day, minute-by-minute. We have no other choice. But we are so proud of both of our boys, and will never forget how much Elliott touched our lives in such a short time.
I began having frequent, strong contractions on Monday night, November 22nd. They weren't strong enough to think I was in labor yet, and at our appointment the next morning, I was checked for progress and hadn't made much -- I was just starting to dilate, but it was clearly not "real" labor. I continued to have contractions every 3-4 minutes from Tuesday night on. I was exhausted, not sleeping well, and in general discomfort. On Friday afternoon, I realized that I didn't know if I was feeling Elliott moving at all. I had been so focused on the contractions that I couldn't tell if he was reacting or sleeping...but I mentioned it to Dan. We tried to find his heartbeat with our doppler, without success. But we didn't find my heartbeat either, so we figured it was just something wrong with the doppler. Saturday afternoon, we decided to try again to find the heartbeat. When we still couldn't, but we found Dan's when we checked, we thought it was worth a call to the on-call doctor to have things checked out. Honestly, I didn't think we had anything to worry about. I figured we'd go in, they'd monitor us for an hour or so, and send us home for being "those parents." God, I wish we were "those parents."
We got to the Childbirth Center at 5:00 PM on Saturday evening. The nurses that got us in our room were kind and joking, trying to ease our minds. When they hooked me up to monitors to find Elliott's heart rate, they couldn't. So rather than grab a doppler, they brought in an ultrasound machine, to get to the point and find his beating heart. But they couldn't. They told us not to worry -- they weren't experts. The doctor would be there soon. But she couldn't find Elliott's heart beat either. A final "official" ultrasound was performed by an ultrasound technician that confirmed we had lost our son. I was sobbing, asking them to not give up, to please please please keep trying. It wasn't possible that he was perfect on Tuesday and gone now. It couldn't be true.
But then we had to decide how to deliver him. I had my heart set on a vaginal birth -- the one that I wanted with Owen, and the one that I was determined to have with Elliott. I wanted to try still, since the recovery would be faster and the hospital stay would be shorter, so we began the steps for an induction of labor. At 7:00 PM, a Cook's catheter was placed through the small opening in my cervix and inflated on either side. The purpose is to use the "balloons" to soften and thin the cervix, so that labor can be helped by Pitocin to create contractions and finish the dilation process. It was uncomfortable at first, but it also was creating very strong, close contractions for me right from the beginning. They were on top of each other, with only 30 seconds to a minute off between them, and they were off the charts in strength. We were told that this stage of labor would probably take 10-12 hours, but the nurse was thinking we wouldn't last until midnight with these contractions. I didn't want to get an epidural, but I was in pain. I asked for a narcotic drip to help, which did help for a while, but it also slowed my contractions and made me sick. By 5:00 AM, I was throwing up, and the catheter hadn't fallen out yet. The nurses removed it at 7:00 AM, and I asked for an epidural before we started the Pitocin stage.
It took three times before the anesthesiologist was able to get the epidural in, but when he did, he did a great job. I never lost feeling in my legs or feet, but I didn't feel the contractions at all. He was also great at managing my nausea, which was such a nice relief. At around noon, the nurse on duty checked my progress, to see how the catheter and Pitocin were working. And, much like with my labor with Owen, nothing was happening. I was only a little more than 2 cm dilated, and Elliott was nowhere near my pelvic opening. They offered to break my water and keep trying -- no one was pressuring me to have a c-section or to give up. But I knew by then what we had to do. I didn't want to spend another whole day waiting to meet Elliott, delaying the inevitable. At 1:00 PM, we made the decision to have a c-section, and the on-call doctor called our doctor in. The two of them did the surgery together.
At 2:28 PM on Sunday, November 28th, Elliott was born sleeping. It was eerily quiet in the operating room, and until that moment, I was still trying to convince myself that there was a chance that everyone was wrong and that he'd wake up and start crying. As time went on in the surgery and they were working on closing me up, we had to face the truth -- our amazing little boy didn't make it. Once Elliott was cleaned up and wrapped in blankets, Dan was able to hold him. He was so beautiful!! He weighed an amazing 11 pounds, 10 ounces, was 20.5 inches tall, and had a gorgeous big 15-inch head. His hair was almost black, and he looked so different from Owen. I was convinced we'd have another little redhead, but Elliott was his own little person. He had my crooked little toes, and the chubbiest legs. He really was so perfect and I will never understand why he didn't get his chance at life.
By 3:30, we were back in our room with Elliott. We had the afternoon, evening and night to spend with him. We held him and talked to him and did what we could to memorize his face. A photographer from a volunteer group called "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" came and took pictures of our son. Family came by to meet him. I couldn't stand the thought of sending him away, knowing that we had such limited time with him. In the morning, though, we had to begin the preparations for letting him go. We had to choose a funeral home for after his autopsy, and we had to say goodbye to his physical body. It was horrible -- something that no one should ever have to do.
On Tuesday morning, we were discharged and had to leave the hospital without our baby. Thank god we had Owen to come home to -- he got us through so much when we were in the hospital, and he continues to help us heal now. He doesn't know what has happened, and he has moments where he seems terrified we're going to disappear again, but he's so sweet and funny and has such a love for life, that we can only be thankful for what we have. We aren't burdening him with our recovery, and we won't try to explain this to him until he's old enough to really understand, but he is helping us more than he can ever know. And when he gets the chance to meet a little brother or sister in the future, he'll be just as amazing of a big brother as he was to Elliott already. We are so sad that he doesn't get to a chance to know Elliott, but we are thankful that he's too young to feel our pain with us.
So for now, we just take our lives day-by-day, minute-by-minute. We have no other choice. But we are so proud of both of our boys, and will never forget how much Elliott touched our lives in such a short time.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Turkey Day
Due to some snow and ice this week, we ended up at home for a small, quiet Thanksgiving this year. Dan did an incredible job on our feast, and I enjoyed leftovers today too! Owen loved checking on the turkey cooking, and he kept calling it a goldfish. We just went along with it. ;)
Today also marks 38 weeks pregnant. It can't be too much longer now!
Today also marks 38 weeks pregnant. It can't be too much longer now!
Friday, November 12, 2010
36 Weeks Pregnant
We're only four weeks from Baby Boy 2's due date, and like I was with Owen, I'm convinced I won't go that long. How can I possibly get bigger for another month!??! I hope I'm not as wrong as I was with Mr. O, who was 6 days late...
I've started having Braxton Hicks contractions, which are typically "practice" contractions and don't actually help toward getting labor going. I had some with Owen, but I didn't realize that's what they were until I started getting them this time. Starting in a week, this pregnancy is considered full-term, so then we can start trying home induction methods, like walking, spicy foods, fresh pineapple, etc. Who knows if they'll be any more effective than last time, but it can't hurt to try. If he's not ready, he's not ready. We'll just have to wait and see!
Starting this coming week, we have weekly appointments to check on growth and heartbeat. We're really getting close!
I've started having Braxton Hicks contractions, which are typically "practice" contractions and don't actually help toward getting labor going. I had some with Owen, but I didn't realize that's what they were until I started getting them this time. Starting in a week, this pregnancy is considered full-term, so then we can start trying home induction methods, like walking, spicy foods, fresh pineapple, etc. Who knows if they'll be any more effective than last time, but it can't hurt to try. If he's not ready, he's not ready. We'll just have to wait and see!
Starting this coming week, we have weekly appointments to check on growth and heartbeat. We're really getting close!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Happy November!
Another month has passed, and here we are in the middle of Fall, only 5 or 6 weeks away from adding to our family again. Wow! On Saturday, we met up with my moms' group for a Halloween party for the kiddos. Owen was the cutest elephant I've ever seen! Here are some pictures of our big guy, who just came down with his third cold in the past four weeks. Poor kid!
Elephants need pets too:
He found the donuts...
There was an unplanned zoo theme at the party this year:
The elephant with his zookeeper, elephant trainer Dad:
And with his jack-o-belly Mom:
Happy Halloween! (34 weeks, 1 day pregnant)
Elephants need pets too:
He found the donuts...
There was an unplanned zoo theme at the party this year:
The elephant with his zookeeper, elephant trainer Dad:
And with his jack-o-belly Mom:
Happy Halloween! (34 weeks, 1 day pregnant)
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Another Ultrasound
We had an ultrasound today to check on this new baby's size, and he's a big guy like his brother! At 33 weeks and 5 days, he is estimated to already weigh 6 pounds 12 ounces. Yikes! That's 2 and a half pounds bigger than "average" at this point and we have 6-ish weeks to go. He could easily be bigger than Owen at birth (9lbs, 12oz). All of the measurements had this kid being at least a week or two bigger than his gestational age, but his head is measuring 4 weeks ahead. Ouch! We'll be discussing our options with our doctor next week, but I'm still hoping to try a VBAC. I guess part of that will be based on when Number Two decides to come.
Here are a few pictures from today. The tech did a "4D" ultrasound, but it was hard to get a face shot since he has his head buried in the placenta in my pelvis. Oh well...we'll see him for sure in December (or November?).
Ear:
Hand:
Face:
Here are a few pictures from today. The tech did a "4D" ultrasound, but it was hard to get a face shot since he has his head buried in the placenta in my pelvis. Oh well...we'll see him for sure in December (or November?).
Ear:
Hand:
Face:
Saturday, October 23, 2010
33 Weeks Pregnant with Baby Boy 2
I'm now 33 weeks pregnant with bouncing baby boy numero dos. We had a routine check-up on Wednesday, and he's gone through a bit of a growth spurt over the past couple of weeks. So far, I'm up 29 pounds this pregnancy, so I'm gaining at about the same rate as I did with Owen.
Since I now work from the comfort of our couch, I don't have the insane swelling in my hands, legs and feet that I did when I was pregnant with Owen and sitting behind a desk all day long. I'm even still wearing my wedding ring, which I hope I can keep on my finger this time instead of wearing it on a chain. I guess we'll see how the next 7 weeks go.
This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (heft a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. He's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening. The bones in his skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for him to fit through the birth canal. (The pressure on the head during birth is so intense that many babies are born with a conehead-like appearance.) These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood.
We'll have an ultrasound on Wednesday to make sure the placenta is clear of my cervix so I can try a natural birth again this time. The ultrasound will also help estimate the baby's current and projected birth weight. Dan thinks I'm nuts for even wanting to try a normal birth, knowing that this kid is probably bigger than Owen was (9 pounds, 12 ounces) and that another c-section may be inevitable, but I want to at least try. I don't love the idea of being cut open again, and I'd like to know that the baby is ready to be born rather than picking a day before I go into labor. I do have different expectations this time though, so it won't take 26 hours of labor to make the call this time!
Here is a picture of me from Wednesday at 32 weeks and 5 days pregnant:
For comparison, here's one of me at 34 weeks with Owen:
I think the pictures are pretty similar, but I may be a tiny bit bigger this time. Either way, I have some more growing to do as this kiddo doubles his weight in the next 7-ish weeks. I'll keep you posted!
Since I now work from the comfort of our couch, I don't have the insane swelling in my hands, legs and feet that I did when I was pregnant with Owen and sitting behind a desk all day long. I'm even still wearing my wedding ring, which I hope I can keep on my finger this time instead of wearing it on a chain. I guess we'll see how the next 7 weeks go.
This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (heft a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. He's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening. The bones in his skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for him to fit through the birth canal. (The pressure on the head during birth is so intense that many babies are born with a conehead-like appearance.) These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood.
We'll have an ultrasound on Wednesday to make sure the placenta is clear of my cervix so I can try a natural birth again this time. The ultrasound will also help estimate the baby's current and projected birth weight. Dan thinks I'm nuts for even wanting to try a normal birth, knowing that this kid is probably bigger than Owen was (9 pounds, 12 ounces) and that another c-section may be inevitable, but I want to at least try. I don't love the idea of being cut open again, and I'd like to know that the baby is ready to be born rather than picking a day before I go into labor. I do have different expectations this time though, so it won't take 26 hours of labor to make the call this time!
Here is a picture of me from Wednesday at 32 weeks and 5 days pregnant:
For comparison, here's one of me at 34 weeks with Owen:
I think the pictures are pretty similar, but I may be a tiny bit bigger this time. Either way, I have some more growing to do as this kiddo doubles his weight in the next 7-ish weeks. I'll keep you posted!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Amazing
If you read any of my posts on here, it's pretty clear that Dan and I think Owen is pretty much the most amazing little boy to ever live. He has grown so much, is so fun and active, is so smart and funny...it's kind of unreal, and we find ourselves smiling every night after he's in bed, talking about the new things he did that day, or the funny face he made, or the unbelievable amounts of food that he ate. He changed our lives forever and we couldn't be luckier! So, for today's post, I'm going to try to list some of the things he's doing right now so that we don't forget when he moves onto the next set of incredible things he's going to do next!
He is talking up a storm, and as of today, is talking in almost complete sentences! "Want more grapes," "want more juice," "I get you!" Some of our favorite words right now are: teapot, tickle, kitty cat, meatball, goldfish, whale (pronounced as two very distinct syllables - way-yul), oh no!, concrete truck, monkey, ocho, hamburger (pronounced like a Japanese samurai would say it), zebra, thank you, mooooocow, "chocmo" (chocolate milk)...man the list goes on and on, especially with food. He knows several different bugs: bee, butterfly, caterpillar, beetle, ant, ladybug. He loves trucks and can go through his truck book by memory (and name the 20 different trucks).
Owen loves to sing songs, including "All Aboard the Choo Choo Train" from the Disney channel. He'll walk around singing it and dancing too. He loves Handy Manny and can name his 8 tools (his favorite is Felipe - "Fee-pee"). He can count to 10 easily, and then every number after that is 13 or 15. He asks to sing his ABCs - he helps with ABC, HI, QR, TUVW, and Y. He can build some pretty amazing towers with his blocks, and LOVES when they fall over. Owen loves swings and being chased. He can read and re-read his books all day long. He has started fake sneezing -- "Achoo! 'Neeze!" and he likes to spin in circles until he falls down.
And, boy, can our kid eat! Most mornings he'll eat two scrambled eggs, a veggie sausage patty, a banana, and then help me eat my bowl of cereal (which he is convinced is always "Fah Fake" -- Frosted Flakes). Then he'll snack on goldfish crackers or graham crackers until lunch/naptime. For dinner, he'll eat an entire hamburger or a piece of "a-pizza" or half a box of chee-no (cheezy noodles - mac & cheese). Or he'll help us with whatever else we may be eating - chicken, steak, Thai food. He even likes broccoli! We're not sure where it's all going though. At his 18-month appointment, Owen weighed 25 pounds, which was only the 37th percentile. But he's in the 90s for height (34 inches) and head circumference (49.7 cm), so he's a tall, smart, skinny dude.
Owen seems to be finally appreciating sleep now, though he does like to get up early. I guess when he naps well and sleeps 10-11 hours straight at night, he can't really be expected to sleep much longer. But he doesn't put up much of a fight any more, and enjoys his bed with his alligator, polar bear, green bear, moose and kitty cat to keep him company. He's even managed to keep a decent sleep schedule as his first 4 molars have come in. That brings him up to 12 teeth now!
He likes to color with crayons (and snack on them), and flip light switches on and off. He spends a lot of time running around, and a lot of time trying to figure out how things work (the bath tub faucet, the baby gate, our computers and their cords, his monitor). Right now he's running around with a banana, trying to get it open by himself.
And we're only 8-ish weeks away from adding to the amazement! Our next little guy is almost 4 pounds right now, and around 17 inches long. He really likes to get his feet up under my ribs, and is very active. He gets hiccups a lot, just like Owen did. He moves when he hears Dan or Owen, and I never have to wonder if he's okay in there...he never sits still long enough to worry! From here on out, he's just got to gain some weight and keep practicing his breathing. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone already, but I also can't believe there are two full months to go. I'm excited to see Owen as a big brother. I'm sure he'll be amazing at that too.
To sign off before the pictures, and to quote our amazing 18-month old, "See y'soon!"
He is talking up a storm, and as of today, is talking in almost complete sentences! "Want more grapes," "want more juice," "I get you!" Some of our favorite words right now are: teapot, tickle, kitty cat, meatball, goldfish, whale (pronounced as two very distinct syllables - way-yul), oh no!, concrete truck, monkey, ocho, hamburger (pronounced like a Japanese samurai would say it), zebra, thank you, mooooocow, "chocmo" (chocolate milk)...man the list goes on and on, especially with food. He knows several different bugs: bee, butterfly, caterpillar, beetle, ant, ladybug. He loves trucks and can go through his truck book by memory (and name the 20 different trucks).
Owen loves to sing songs, including "All Aboard the Choo Choo Train" from the Disney channel. He'll walk around singing it and dancing too. He loves Handy Manny and can name his 8 tools (his favorite is Felipe - "Fee-pee"). He can count to 10 easily, and then every number after that is 13 or 15. He asks to sing his ABCs - he helps with ABC, HI, QR, TUVW, and Y. He can build some pretty amazing towers with his blocks, and LOVES when they fall over. Owen loves swings and being chased. He can read and re-read his books all day long. He has started fake sneezing -- "Achoo! 'Neeze!" and he likes to spin in circles until he falls down.
And, boy, can our kid eat! Most mornings he'll eat two scrambled eggs, a veggie sausage patty, a banana, and then help me eat my bowl of cereal (which he is convinced is always "Fah Fake" -- Frosted Flakes). Then he'll snack on goldfish crackers or graham crackers until lunch/naptime. For dinner, he'll eat an entire hamburger or a piece of "a-pizza" or half a box of chee-no (cheezy noodles - mac & cheese). Or he'll help us with whatever else we may be eating - chicken, steak, Thai food. He even likes broccoli! We're not sure where it's all going though. At his 18-month appointment, Owen weighed 25 pounds, which was only the 37th percentile. But he's in the 90s for height (34 inches) and head circumference (49.7 cm), so he's a tall, smart, skinny dude.
Owen seems to be finally appreciating sleep now, though he does like to get up early. I guess when he naps well and sleeps 10-11 hours straight at night, he can't really be expected to sleep much longer. But he doesn't put up much of a fight any more, and enjoys his bed with his alligator, polar bear, green bear, moose and kitty cat to keep him company. He's even managed to keep a decent sleep schedule as his first 4 molars have come in. That brings him up to 12 teeth now!
He likes to color with crayons (and snack on them), and flip light switches on and off. He spends a lot of time running around, and a lot of time trying to figure out how things work (the bath tub faucet, the baby gate, our computers and their cords, his monitor). Right now he's running around with a banana, trying to get it open by himself.
And we're only 8-ish weeks away from adding to the amazement! Our next little guy is almost 4 pounds right now, and around 17 inches long. He really likes to get his feet up under my ribs, and is very active. He gets hiccups a lot, just like Owen did. He moves when he hears Dan or Owen, and I never have to wonder if he's okay in there...he never sits still long enough to worry! From here on out, he's just got to gain some weight and keep practicing his breathing. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone already, but I also can't believe there are two full months to go. I'm excited to see Owen as a big brother. I'm sure he'll be amazing at that too.
To sign off before the pictures, and to quote our amazing 18-month old, "See y'soon!"
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
28 Weeks Pregnant
I entered the third trimester of this pregnancy yesterday, passing the 28-week mark.
By this week, your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of his head to his heels. He can blink his eyes, which now sport lashes. With his eyesight developing, he may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. He's also developing billions of neurons in his brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world. (babycenter.com)
I would like to add that he likes to kick and punch and dance all day and all night long, much like his big brother did, and he's also been getting hiccups a lot.
I'm really tired these days, but some of that is due to Owen's never-ending energy and his teething moodiness. I feel like I'm as big as I can get, so I'm scared to see how much bigger I get in the next 12 weeks. Oh, and my belly button is starting to pop out! It got flat with Owen, but never popped. Pregnancy is a crazy thing!
By this week, your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of his head to his heels. He can blink his eyes, which now sport lashes. With his eyesight developing, he may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. He's also developing billions of neurons in his brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world. (babycenter.com)
I would like to add that he likes to kick and punch and dance all day and all night long, much like his big brother did, and he's also been getting hiccups a lot.
I'm really tired these days, but some of that is due to Owen's never-ending energy and his teething moodiness. I feel like I'm as big as I can get, so I'm scared to see how much bigger I get in the next 12 weeks. Oh, and my belly button is starting to pop out! It got flat with Owen, but never popped. Pregnancy is a crazy thing!
Friday, September 10, 2010
The Third Trimester
That's right, folks. Today marks 27 weeks in this pregnancy, and the beginning of the third trimester. Owen's baby brother is around 2 pounds and 15 inches, or the size of a head of cauliflower. He's also a breakdancer who needs no rest...ever! And I'm betting on a full head of hair too, because I could breathe fire with the heartburn I have all day and night. So far, all of our appointments have been uneventful, which is the best we can hope for, and starting with our next one, we go every two weeks until Mr. Man makes his grand entry into the world.
In Owen news, he has two top molars now, bringing his tooth count to 10. Unfortunately for Owen, he's got 10 more to come. We can tell more must be on their way because he is a super duper grumpypants these days. Luckily, though, he is eating and sleeping like a champ most days.
We went to the Puyallup Fair today with Grandpa Louie, but I think Owen's still just a little too young. He wanted to run around and touch everything and every animal, which we couldn't let him do in such a crazy, crowded space. On top of missing nap time, it was definitely a recipe for disaster. Hopefully next year will be more fun for all of us.
Here are a few (okay, a bunch -- it's been a month!) pictures of our 17-month old cutie pie:
In Owen news, he has two top molars now, bringing his tooth count to 10. Unfortunately for Owen, he's got 10 more to come. We can tell more must be on their way because he is a super duper grumpypants these days. Luckily, though, he is eating and sleeping like a champ most days.
We went to the Puyallup Fair today with Grandpa Louie, but I think Owen's still just a little too young. He wanted to run around and touch everything and every animal, which we couldn't let him do in such a crazy, crowded space. On top of missing nap time, it was definitely a recipe for disaster. Hopefully next year will be more fun for all of us.
Here are a few (okay, a bunch -- it's been a month!) pictures of our 17-month old cutie pie:
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